Vulnerability
by Anaroriel
Summary: Tortall's characters caught in moments of vulnerability. 23rd Chapter: JonAlanna, 24th chapter: OwenMargarry
1. Wrestling

The light was just beginning to filter through the window when Yukimi rolled over and leaned against her lover. She grinned as his face, bleary with sleepiness that stared at her for far too long. "Have you missed me, Neal?" she grinned as he rubbed his eyes.

"I suppose I have," Neal said generously. He yawned and reached out and began to play with her long black hair. He twisted and rolled it between his fingers, then gave it a light tug. "Have you missed me?"

"I suppose," she teased. It had been several weeks since she had last seen him, and once they had reached their bedroom it became evident by the clothes frantically thrown across the room how much they missed each other. She placed her hand over his to calm their movements then leaned in for a kiss. "What do you suppose you missed about me?" she flirted.

"Must you make everything difficult for me?" he sighed dramatically. "All right, I missed your smile." That earned said smile from Yuki. "And I've missed your temper." The smile was gone. Neal suddenly turned her on her back and rolled over on top off her. "And I've missed how easy it is to win at wrestling against you."

"You've been wrestling with others?"

Neal gulped and frantically started to get off of her to show his distress. "No, no! I was just –"

Neal was suddenly on his back, Yuki on top of him. "I'm not that easy to win against," she said with a winning smile and kissed his nose. The next few moments were filled with shrieks and laughter as the two struggled to be the victor of the wrestling match. Neal came out the victor, grinning down at Yuki, breathless and flushed with pleasure. His breath caught in his throat as he stared, then he slid off her.

"Neal?" Yuki's voice said cautiously.

Neal turned his face to her and saw the vulnerability and uncertainty in her face before it melted into an emotionless expression. His face began to turn a dark red, and he sat up. "Yuki…"

"Yes?" She now looked slightly concerned as Neal shifted uncomfortably on the bed, looking the most fragile she had ever seen him.

"You know that I… love you…" He paused for a moment then took a deep calming breath but only to turn more red.

"Will you marry me?"


	2. Reflection

The girl stared into the mirror, admiring her violet eyes and her short messy red hair that framed her face. She knew she wasn't pretty, but she knew that those striking features made all the difference in her appearance; it gave her personality. She also knew she was foolish. A girl pretending to be a boy shouldn't wish to be pretty, rather the opposite to appear more convincing to those with sharp eyes. Despite her mind warning against her silliness, she stared into the mirror a little longer, hoping for beauty to take her by surprise and stand out in her face.

"What are you doing?"

Alanna turned sharply to look at her knightmaster who leaned casually against the door connecting their chambers. "Nothing, just…" She realized her hand was curling her hair around her face and dropped it guiltily to her side.

Jonathan looked amused and pushed himself away from the door. Subtly checking to make sure Alanna's door was firmly shut, he moved closer and shut the other door behind him. "Trying out a new hairstyle?" he teased her.

Alanna turned red. "N-no." At his grin she felt flushed with anger. "I'm trying to mimic how my lord acts when he goes to the ball. My lord is the Prince of Primping, and what better than his squire mimicking him?"

Jonathan laughed. "What better? I expect to see you wear a gown at the next ball."

"I will when you do," Alanna retorted. She picked up her sword and headed for the door. "Excuse me, I have more important things to do than argue with my lord."

Jon watched with amusement as his squire, still red in the face, stormed out of the room, embarrassed to be caught doing something so remotely feminine as staring at her reflection.


	3. Delirium

"If I could be any person in the world right now, I'd be a healer," Daine moaned as she turned her head to cough, a deep dry sound that broke Numair's heart with every gasp and harsh noise. "Then I wouldn't be this sick, would I?"

"No, Magelet, you wouldn't." He pulled her hair back from her face where it stuck and watched helplessly as she coughed again. Her face was warm and he leaned over the bed to lay some damp cloths on her forehead.

"You have a nice figure," Daine commented deliriously while Numair blushed. He glanced at the healer who was mixing herbs nearby, worried that the healer would hear Daine's meaningless words. The healer gave Numair a critical but amused look and shook his head at the higher level mage. Numair blushed deeper.

"Shush, Daine, talking will just make your throat sore."

"Really? That's interesting. You always know so much, Numair. How come you always know so much?"

Numair chuckled lightly. "It's because I read too much, Magelet. If you were half as bookish as me, I wouldn't need to tell you anything."

Daine turned her head to look at him directly. Numair could see her eyes were glazed with fever, and surmised that she wouldn't remember anything when she recovered. "May I have something, Daine?"

"Anything, Numair, you don't need to ask."

Numair took a little pair of scissors out of his pocket, hating himself for taking advantage of Daine's delirium to get her permission. "I'm going to take a little bit of your hair, understand?"

Daine blinked slowly then turned away, no longer able to keep up the conversation with her teacher. Numair took this to mean yes. He clipped off a bit off the ends of her hair in the back so she wouldn't notice it.

Daine turned back to him. "Oh, Numair. You're here." She looked so confused, so vulnerable that Numair just wanted to gather her up in his arms and kiss her pain away. "I dreamed I was yellow," she murmured as she turned away. Numair patted her hair gently, assuming that she had fallen asleep again until he heard her next words, barely audible words that made him smile despite his worry: "You can have anything of mine, Numair, anything…" And then she was asleep.


	4. Charms

**A/N: First of all, thanks to all my reviewers for your kind words! I appreciate all the suggested pairings, though I may not go in order of suggestions. I will probably do either Aly/Taybur next or a Shinko/Roald. We'll see. Anyway, thanks again!**

The door creaked openly quietly, interrupting George's concentration on the code he was trying to decipher. "George —"

He raised his head, spotting Alanna standing uncertainly at the doorway and clasping her necklace awkwardly.

George stood up, placing the code carefully on the desk so he wouldn't accidentally shuffle his notes. "What is it, lass?" Alanna had only been back from the Procession for the few days, and every time he saw her she was acting strangely, reclusive and very timid. He let his worry show now; trying to give a way to let her trust him and tell her what was on her mind.

"I –" She fingered the necklace again, then slipped it off her neck. Undoing the clasp on the chain, she slipped one of the charms off and held it out to him. "You have given me everything I have ever wanted. I want it to be your turn now."

George reached for her hand, afraid to hope. The pendant fell into his open palm, and George studied it silently, letting his mind take in the image of the Pregnancy charm, joy sinking into his heart.

"George." George looked up at his wife and saw tears in her eyes. "I'm scared."

George dropped the charm in his pocket and reached out to her, taking her in his arms. "Alanna, if you're not ready – "

Alanna shook her head. "No, I'm ready." She smiled up at him. "I want to make you happy, and I know you've been waiting to have children for years. Besides, I think I would like seeing little Georges running around."

"And little lionesses." George smiled warmly at her and Alanna smiled bravely back.

"Well, come, laddybuck, to bed! You've been working long enough, and we've got other work to do," Alanna said, trying to mimic her husband's way of speaking. And with shaking fingers, Alanna walked hand-in-hand with her husband back to their bedchambers.


	5. Usually

"So, if it isn't the little spy." Aly's eyes rolled up from her codes to meet the captain of the royal guard's.

"Most would say I'm not so little anymore since becoming the spymaster of the entire Copper Isles, but I suppose that's a matter of opinion. Growing up is usually a slow process, so I understand your confusion," Aly flirted.

Taybur moved forward to sit in the chair in front of her desk and leaned forward resting his upper arms on his thighs. "I agree with you, it usually is a slow process. As many things are, like relationships."

Aly blinked. The conversation suddenly took a serious turn when she wasn't expecting it. This wasn't what usually happened when Aly and Taybur talked. Usually it was straight flirting.

"Aly, I… I heard that you're engaged to Nawat."

"It's true," she said slowly. Taybur was wearing an expression she had only seen him wear one time before: when he was looking at the boy prince who had died a year ago. He didn't… surely he didn't think they were…?

"Aly, I—"

"Thank you so much for your blessing, Taybur, but I have lots of work to do," Aly interrupted. She couldn't believe that she had unwittingly led another man to believe he meant something more than friendship to her. "You know, turning from a little spy to a great spymaster is more than flirting with the captain of the guard." She flashed him a flirtatious smile and stood and walked to the door. Taybur was unable to look at her as he walked swiftly out of the room, pausing only slightly to mumble something. Aly shut the door behind him and sank to the floor, trying to make believe she misheard his whisper when he passed her.

_I loved you._

**A/N: Hmm, both of them are such strong characters that go out of their way NOT to feel vulnerable, I had a tough time writing this one. Tell me what you think!**


	6. Scheduling

"My dear Kel, where have you been?" said a light tenor from behind her. Kel whirled around to face deep blue eyes and a handsome face grinning at her, happy to have startled her.

"Dom, have you run out of ladies to flirt with?" Kel said, struggling to hide her annoyance. The ball was just another playing ground for the handsome Domitan of Masbolle, and Kel could only stand so much of his flirtatious game before leaving for a breath of fresh air. She had once believed there was potential in Dom, but after a few more encounters she had had with him, she decided he wasn't right for her. He didn't seem interested in her. The problem was now she had no idea who was. It bothered her slightly because she was lonely, but she knew she had too much to do to get too involved with a man, and now shook her head at her own foolishness for considering having a lover when she was so busy.

"Naturally I have not," Dom answered seriously. "There is one lady here I have not had the pleasure of flirting with yet." He picked up her hand and kissed it lightly, eyes never leaving her face.

"Please, Dom, not tonight," Kel sighed. "I didn't even want to come; you know I'm concerned about the New Hope. The last siege has left them slightly vulnerable for the next –"

"Tell me, Kel, why is it that you don't have a fellow?"

"Well, with New Hope and the surrounding area to oversee, I don't have a lot of time. Not to mention I can't think of a single man to get involved with right now," she said frankly.

Dom placed a hand against his heart. "You aim well with both lances and words! I am impressed." Dom paused for a second then looked down into her eyes. "Not a single man?" he said quietly. "Tell me, Kel, is there any hope for any man in our acquaintance?"

Kel felt a little confused. What man was he talking about? "Excuse me? I don't know what you mean."

"Well," Dom said briskly, "I don't know how you feel about it, but if you did have more time for men, I would be the first in line to be snatched up by your beautiful self."

"E-Excuse me?"

"I must be going, I don't want to take too much time out of your busy schedule." Dom turned on his heel and walked swiftly to the door entering the ballroom.

"Dom, wait!" Dom paused, then turned around. Hoping she didn't misunderstand him, she plowed forward, not believing she was actually going to say her next words. "My schedule just cleared up, if a certain man in our acquaintance was willing to fill it."

Dom returned to stand in front of her, his eyes revealing something that could potentially turn into love. "I must check my calendar first, but I'm almost certain that could work out."


	7. Banquets

Raoul was adjusting his shirt roughly in front of the mirror. An annoyed expression glared back at him from the mirror, one that revealed his irritation about once again being blackmailed into attending one of Jon's stuffy banquets. He twisted once more, too hard this time, and caused a large tear in his tunic. Raoul swore and quickly removed the tunic, throwing it onto the floor in frustration.

"And here I thought we were getting dressed for the banquet, not getting undressed for it," Buri remarked dryly from behind him. Raoul turned his head sharply and looked at his wife.

"I have a rip in the shirt I was wearing tonight," he said.

"I don't think Jon will take that excuse," Buri said and came forward to pick up the shirt. Sure enough there was a large tear on the front. "What flimsy cheap fabric," Buri commented.

Raoul raked his fingers through his hair. This was the one banquet he had worked so hard to avoid, but once again Jon managed to find a way to force Raoul into coming. Jon had come up with some excuse that the banquet was in his honor; something about 20 years of service to the king, or some sort of codswallop.

"I'm not going."

He felt calloused fingers run tantalizing across the skin just above the band of his breeches. She looked up at him, a clear message in her eyes. "Come on, soldier, do it for me."

"You hate these things as much as I do," he said.

"Yes, but if we go, you get to be made a hero," she looked up into his eyes meaningfully, "I can be proud of you. And you can use this night as an excuse to miss most of the Procession this summer. Say the reason you're so successful is because you're out on the field. Besides," she said, and dipped her fingers slightly underneath the band of his breeches, making his breath catch. "Afterwards I'll make it worth your while."

"Where can I find another tunic?"


	8. Shame

Roald felt uncomfortable for what seemed like the twelfth time that evening as someone else mentioned the word "heir". Yes, he understood that they were married, that did not mean that exactly nine months after the fact there would be a baby. Despite this, every time someone mentioned it he was careful not to look at his wife, Shinko, but he felt her shame nonetheless.

"You must not let them make you upset, Shinko," he would say when they were alone together, patting her arm awkwardly. "They are insensitive, and we must be above such insensitivity."

"I understand, Roald," she would say quietly, not looking at him. Their relationship had been very good the first few months, but after those months turned into a year without a pregnancy, Shinko started to distant herself emotionally from her husband. It frustrated him, but he did not know how to call her back and make things as they were before. He wanted to talk to her, really talk to her, but he did not know how. He had kept a distance from everyone in his life up until this point, and now he did not know to become intimate with anyone, let alone this stranger he called his wife.

"No signs of a little one yet, Your Highness?" a count teased as he came up to the table to give his regards to the royals.

"No, there isn't," Roald snapped, as a completely out of character change overtook him in that stressful moment, "And if the situation should change, we will inform you. Good night, sir." He looked to Shinko hoping for some gratitude, but instead he saw hurt glistening in her eyes. Sometimes Roald believed he could nothing right.


	9. Songs

Thayet felt the same sinking feeling she always had when she was trying to avoid someone she knew attempting to avoid was not going to work. Running into her husband did tend to go on the inevitable list, but she didn't want to see him for as long as she could manage.

As was the same every time they discussed their children's future, Thayet became very angry, fuming for weeks about the stubbornness of her husband to marry off their children halfway across the world to monarchs she didn't know personally. It was now time for little Vania to be discussed since her birthday had just passed, and Thayet knew she couldn't behave rationally when she knew Jon was planning to send her youngest daughter away from her. She couldn't prepare another weeping, frightened daughter to marry a complete stranger again. The pain was just too much for any mother who wanted true love for her daughters.

"There you are, Thayet," Jon said as he leaned against the doorframe of the stable. She had thought to hide a few more hours by taking a ride, but her husband was one step ahead of her.

Thayet lifted her head proudly and walked past him like the queen she was. Jonathan knew better than to grab her, and quietly followed her inside.

"You've been avoiding me."

"As expected," Thayet said.

"Thayet, please, you know I don't like sending them away from me either."

"I am so sure," she said frostily. "Please, Jonathan, I know you better than that. You have no right to grieve for them as I do. For you it has always been Tortall first, family and our children's dreams second. Don't believe for one second you feel the same amount of pain as I do. You are far too eager to please monarchs rather than your own flesh and blood."

"That's not true, you know I love my family." Thayet ignored him, placing the saddle onto her horse and tightening the straps. "Have it your way then," Jonathan snapped. "I won't consult you at all. Vania will be married by her fifteenth birthday to the prince of Tusain if things go smoothly. I trust you'll do your part to have her accept her marriage with grace, as a good wife and queen should." Jon strode to the entrance and paused. "I didn't mean that," he confessed.

He reached out a hand to touch her but Thayet turned away from him and gripped the saddle behind her. "Please leave, my lord," she said stiffly as she fought to contain her anger, "before either of us says anymore that we might regret." And as the king marched angrily to his own beat of self-righteousness, the queen sobbed her own personal song, a song of failure to break the chain of arranged, loveless marriages she swore would end with her mother's death.

**A/N: Anymore pairings you'd like to see? I've actually not read the Emelan series or her new Provost's Dog series, so both of those are out until I have enough money to buy them. poor uni student Thanks again for all your reviews!**


	10. Rodents

Perin jumped up when Daine entered, nervous in spite of his attempts to calm himself down. He stared at her as she came forward, a vision of near perfection in his eyes. Her hair was slightly messy and unkempt, but it just added to the attraction, as well as reminded him of what several girls looked like after lying with a man. It made his body heat in anticipation.

"Sorry I'm late, Perin," Daine apologized as she tried to comb her hair back from her face. "One of the horses was colicky."

"It's all right." He stepped forward and placed a firm kiss on her mouth. A furry head popped out of her hair near his face and he jumped back, surprised.

"What IS that?" he demanded, clutching his hand to his rapidly beating heart. Daine grinned at him and pulled the furry little animal out of her hair.

"He's a hamster. His name is Ferro. Ferro, meet Perin." She held the hamster out to him to pick up.

Perin took a step back. "Oh, there's no need," he said, noticing with embarrassment that his voice was a little higher.

Daine looked confused. "What's the problem? He won't bite." She held him out to Perin again, but the boy took another step back, all too aware that he had started to noticeably sweat.

"I don't like rodents. Of any kind," he confessed.

The Wild Mage looked hurt that Perin should dislike any of her friends. "Oh. Well, that's all right." There was a slightly awkward pause. "Would you like to go get something to eat then?" she asked as she slipped the hamster into her pocket.

"Yes, let's go, Daine," he said as he led her in the general direction of the market place, silently cursing himself for his weakness. He knew that after that scene there was no chance now of getting Daine in his bed later that night.


	11. Pain

The knife drew closer to her heart before she froze, unable to take the last few inches. She was afraid of pain, she always had been, and now that she knew that only if she could last a few more minutes of it she could end pain forever. The Black God was merciful to those who took their own lives.

Before she could stop herself, the blade was thrown to the ground and it clanked dully against the tiles. She put her face in her hands and wept, her entire body shuddering from fear of what she had been about to do. Queen Dovasary of the Copper Isles was exhausted, confused and scared, her options with what to do with the luarin rebels completely limited to this last choice.

"What were you about to do?" Kyprioth was suddenly before her, his face livid with rage. "I did not put all my efforts to put a raka queen on the throne, only for her to kill herself right after!"

Dove fell to her knees before the god in awe. "It's been three years," Dove protested through her sobs, only to realize a little belatedly that time meant very little to a god.

Kyprioth picked up the knife. He studied it for a second then made it vanish. "I am going to go get Aly, and hopefully she'll talk some sense into you. The foolishness of humans…" He glared at Dove. "If you did kill yourself, I would make sure the afterworld would not be pleasant for you." And as Aly rushed in to serve her queen, Kyprioth disappeared after bestowing a small sympathetic pat on Dove's head.


	12. Beltane

"Beltane," Sarra whispered in her excitement to no one. It would her first Beltane that her father would let her go to, on the very strict rules that she just go and watch, not jump over the fires with any boy. After a few weeks of begging that she be allowed to go – because _all_ of her friends were going – her father finally gave in.

After dressing in her prettiest dress, Sarra walked through the woods toward the Beltane celebrations. From her house she could see the fires burning brightly. A tall man suddenly stood her way, blocking her view of the fires. Sarra opened her mouth to scream, but the man placed a firm but gentle hand over it.

"Do not be frightened, Sarra, for today you are the luckiest of mortals."

"I – I'm sorry?" Sarra said when he removed his hand. She stumbled backwards, confused when she saw that the man had very large antlers attached to his head.

"Beautiful Sarra," he said huskily. "I am Weiryn, the god of the hunt." Sarra's eyes grew big, but she did not say anything. He continued, "I have watched you from the mortal realms for quite some time. Beautiful Sarra, my deepest wish is for you to be mine. Will you walk with me tonight?"

"Odd's Bobs," Sarra breathed. A real god! She couldn't help but feel awed in his presence. "I would love to, Lord Weiryn." And with that, she placed her hand in his and together they walked deeper into the woods.

**A/N: I must admit to not liking Sarra (whom I found to be a simpleton), but I especially don't like Weiryn for totally taking advantage of her, getting her pregnant, and leaving her to raise a kid on her own for 13 years. Anyway... hope you liked it. **


	13. Loss

He touched her hand tentatively as they walked, and when she didn't move away, he took her small hand in his. His eyes strayed to her face, and their eyes met: his searching and compassionate, hers glistening with tears.

"Thank you," she mouthed, her voice still too weak and full of emotion to speak. He squeezed her hand in a fatherly way as they followed the procession to the gravesite. George moved forward to take her hand and he let him, feeling a sense of loss too deep for such a small action. He had just acquired his daughter and already so many other men wished to take her away. From him.

He moved to the back of the procession to stand next to Eleni, his gaze never leaving Alanna as she sought comfort on George's shoulder.

"Myles," Eleni whispered with a soft touch of her hand on his shoulder. He could see in her understanding look traces of grief, and yet… he found hope in those eyes. She believed in him; she believed in the relationship that they held and in the relationship that he held with Alanna. He tried to push the sadness from his eyes as he gave her a warm smile, and together they walked behind their children to honor those who had fallen in battle.


	14. Fear

"Let me apologize," Liam said quietly.

"You're afraid of my magic, what is there to apologize for?" Alanna stated, a bit of bitterness creeping into her voice unintentionally.

"You're right, _you__'re _the one who should be apologizing," he replied. His eyes flashed an angry color, but Alanna refused to acknowledge it. "You know I don't use magic, and yet you keep using it front of me."

"I had a good reason!" she burst out. She sighed and leaned back in her chair. "Gaining back your trust will be harder than I think, won't it?"

"I think," Liam hesitated. "I think it will be impossible."

An awkward silence filled the room. _How could you be afraid of_… _me?_ "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Liam glanced away, looking frustrated with the awkwardness that had settled between them. He looked at the bed, and Alanna knew exactly what he was thinking to patch things up between them again. One of the few things they had left between them.

"Come on, kitten, let's go to bed," he bid her softly.

"Yes, of course." But as Liam made love to her, she wondered how she could be so happy and miserable at the same time. He kissed her lips gently with love in his eyes, which made a part of Alanna cringe inwardly at his touch. _I wish you could love every part of me, _she thought. Realizing she was being silly, she kissed him back fiercely, trying to erase her traitorous thoughts. A love that accepted every part of a person, she knew from experience, did not exist.


	15. Passion

The couple slammed into the door with the strength of their passion. "Ow," Jonathan muttered weakly before he was attacked by Delia's kisses again. He struggled to find his keys in his coat pocket while Delia kissed his neck in a very distracting way. "Got them," he announced breathlessly as his shaking hands tried to force the key into the lock.

"Please, highness," Delia laughed. "Let me get it." Her hands weren't shaking at all as she smoothly turned the key.

The couple stumbled into Jon's room, and Jon kicked the door closed while Delia began to undress. Jonathan hesitated slightly when Delia turned her attention back to her prince and purred.

Jon cleared his throat awkwardly, "Delia…"

"Don't worry, highness," Delia whispered seductively. "I'll make sure this is a night you'll never forget." She pushed him roughly against the bed, and laughed gaily when his virgin eyes widen with surprise. _Oh no, _she thought while trying not to laugh at the prince's obvious lack of experience. _I will make sure you__ never forget your first time._


	16. Gift

It was Kalasin's first birthday in Carthak, and Kaddar could not help but be nervous when he handed her a box. He had fallen in love with the sweet and beautiful woman, and he had thought long and hard about a gift that would be suitable. Despite his power as an Emperor, he always felt a little insecure in front of this bright, vivacious girl, and he desperately sought ways to show his ever growing affections for her. He had never met another woman quite like Kally.

"Kaddar, this is so sweet, you really shouldn't have," Kally gushed to her betrothed. Her eyes sparkled when she looked at him, and he waved his hand awkwardly in front of his face.

"It is nothing." Kally's two ladies-in-waiting watched him with knowing, sympathetic eyes which embarrassed him. He sat up straight and cleared his throat. It did not do for females to feel pity for him. "A mere trifle, Kalasin, no need to get too enthusiastic about it."

She smiled beautifully at him. "Of course, Kaddar. But I appreciate the gesture all the same." She glanced at her ladies. "Leave us please."

The two ladies-in-waiting, used to the princess's odd whims, let the room without another word.

"That wasn't necessary, Kalasin," Kaddar said in a disapproving voice. "We are not quite married yet."

"I trust you, Kaddar," she said simply. Unable to contain his passion any longer, Kaddar pulled off her veil, leaned forward and caught her lips with his own. Kalasin did not respond to his kiss. Despair filled him at her lack of reaction and Kaddar pulled away, also feeling terrible for taking advantage of Kally when she had just claimed to trust him.

"Please say you love me now," Kaddar said quietly when Kally turned away from him. "At least a little."

"My lord," her voice was filled with anguish. "I am trying. Please, I am trying." A silence filled the room that was unbearable to both occupants. It was too much for Kaddar to stand.

"Enjoy your gift." Kaddar stood and walked out of the room, leaving Kally to open it by herself. It was a diamond ring.


	17. Gift pt 2

**A/N: I couldn't**** leave them like that... so I continued it to a second chapter (Plus I enjoy writing Kallydar too much, lol). Enjoy, and tell me how you like it!**

A few days after her birthday Kally sat in her room, staring at the diamond ring that adorned her finger. Kaddar had made a point to avoid her since her birthday and Kally could not blame him. She would probably do the same.

But she missed him. Terribly. Usually she saw him a couple of times every day, if only in passing, but now she was completely cut off from him. And she was worried. She did not mean to hurt him, and now she hurt with the knowledge than Kaddar was probably in pain because of her rejection.

"My lady, are you well?" Her lady-in-waiting Tabitha knelt in front of her, concern for her princess obvious in her tone and expression.

"No," she admitted. She took a breath and moved her hand so the jewel caught the light in the dim candlelight. "I miss Kaddar."

Tabitha nodded knowingly. "You love him."

"No," Kally answered quickly. "I don't love him, I just miss him. And…" She took a deep breath. "I feel guilty. I hurt him terribly. I don't love him, Tabitha, but I'm worried about him nonetheless."

"My lady," Tabitha said in a disapproving tone, "Don't fool yourself."

"What do you mean?" she asked. She looked affronted that Tabitha would contradict her. "I know my own mind, Tabitha. I care about him certainly, but I don't love him."

Tabitha sighed. "You are very young."

"I'm seventeen."

"Yes, but the point I'm trying to make… sometimes the greatest love is not the one that is passionate. Sometimes, the greatest love is when two people care so deeply about each other that one can't stand the idea that the other is hurting. You care about his majesty so much, more than you show him."

Kally had to think about that for a moment. She worried about him working too hard, and all his successes and failures she shared with him as if they were her own. She remembered his light touches, the look in his eyes when he stared at her, his gifts, his compliments and kind words, how much he cared for his people, and finally his passionate kiss. "Maybe I do love him," she said with wonder. "I do." Kally looked down at Tabitha still kneeling at her feet. "I wish to speak to him tonight, will you help me?" She knew it was very late, but she didn't want to wait another moment.

"Of course."

A few minutes later, Kally was hesitating in front of Kaddar's door trying to gather up the courage to knock. _I've gone this far, I might as well, _she decided, and knocked and entered.

The lights were off, so Kally sent around her Gift to light the candles. Kaddar was in his bed, and he woke suddenly with the bright light.

"Kalasin?" he said groggily and hurried climbed out of bed. Kally blushed when she saw he was not wearing a shirt, but she did not look away.

"Please call me Kally," she said quietly. "I should have told you to call me that months ago."

"What is it? Is something wrong? Are you hurt?" Her presence in his private bedchamber made no sense to him.

Kally shook her head and looked down. "Listen for a second. I just… I just missed you. I feel terrible for hurting you when you have been so kind to me." She looked up into his eyes and tried to hold back tears. "I care about you so much, Kaddar. I am deeply sorry for hurting you."

"Really, Kalasin, you should go back to bed." He refused to meet her eyes.

"You don't understand! Call me Kally and listen to me! Oh, you pigheaded man!" She walked swiftly forward and kissed him. She pulled back and stared up at him. He was definitely listening now. "You don't understand. I realized tonight that I love you."


	18. Lust

Joren kicked Keladry's thigh while he reached to tear her hair out of her scalp. She moaned in pain as she stumbled and then was yanked back by Joren's cruel hands twisting in her short hair. Joren gulped and nearly let go, aroused by the sound of Kel's pain. The moment was over in a second when Kel punched him in the chest and yanked out of his hold, leaving several hairs in his fist. He fell back against a chair and froze for a moment as the girl stood over him. Garvey and Zahir were being taken care of by Kel's group and could not help him now.

"Leave the first years alone," Kel said viciously. "I've told you a dozen times already, I will not tolerate another time."

Joren's eyes followed the visible skin of her neck up to the black eye that he had given her. He recalled how lovely it had felt to deliver that blow to her soft face. He remembered in great detail how his fist had punched her in the chest, feeling the outline of her breasts. Her lip was cut and Joren longed to suck the blood from it and bit her swelling lower lip until she screamed.

Kel pushed him again. "You hear me, Joren? This is the last time." She motioned for her friends to leave, both Garvey and Zahir taken care of by the others.

"Lump!" Joren called to her retreating back. Kel turned and looked at him with her blank face. Joren wished he could rip her reserve to pieces and he shuddered with desire. "I won't forget this, Lump," he said breathlessly. "You'll regret the day you ever decided to fight me."

**A/N: Now that the major pairings have been explored, I'm starting to get into the weird and twisted ones, lol. Suggestions for more pairings appreciated! Thanks!**


	19. Rolls

The binds that held him were invisible, but no less effective as he stood unmoving, staring across the Great Hall at her. Alan of Pirate's Swoop, the son of the King's Champion and Tortall's spymaster knew that his parentage did not make him inferior to the beautiful princess before him, but that did not stop him from acknowledging the truth that she was way above him.

"She is more than just a goddess," Alan admitted to his older brother Thom over their breakfast. "She is never petty and mean and jealous like any of the deities of the Immortal Realms can be. She is utterly perfect and beautiful."

To which his brother replied, "You're mad," and promptly tossed a roll at him.

"Squire Alan," Princess Lianne greeted him with a deep nod. She smiled at him, causing his heart to freeze with shock like lightning, as if a goddess had truly touched him.

"P-Princess Lianne," he replied. She grinned when he stumbled over her title. In private he always called her by her preferred nickname Lia, but in the present company a certain amount of formality was expected.

"I trust your mother and father are well?" Alan nodded stiffly. "And your brother and sister?" Again, Alan nodded. Lia reached out a hand and placed it on his forearm. "And you also are well, I hope?"

Alan swallowed with difficulty. "Yes, me well…"

She giggled. "Just as I hoped. I hope to see you very soon, Squire Alan."

Was it his imagination, or was there meaning implied in that phrase? After that she moved on, sending a sidelong glance over her shoulder at him. Alan, feeling rather elated but unsettled from that look, leaned over to steady himself against the table, knocked over a wine glass and watched in horror as the red liquid seeped into the Baroness of King's Reach cream-colored ball gown.

"To think," Thom commented the next morning upon hearing the tale, "A perfect, sinless goddess could be responsible for causing that catastrophe." Alan threw a roll at him.


	20. Importance

**A/N: I have over 100 reviews! Yay! Thank you all my darling reviewers! I can't say how much your words encourage me. Enjoy my Kel/Neal. **

"Come, Kel, you cannot ruin your eyes like that trying to read in this light," a voice drawled from the doorway. "I don't think wearing glasses would suit you."

Kel glanced up at Neal and tried not to feel annoyed. She was right in the middle of these figures and he had just made her lose count. "If I do ruin my eyesight, you can always fix it later."

Neal slumped into the chair lazily and leaned back to study her. "You can't be serious. It's almost midnight, and you haven't been to the Mess Hall yet. As head healer of this fine establishment, it is my duty to see to the health of everyone. _Including you._"

Kel pulled back from the parchment and rubbed her eyes so she could focus on his face. "If I don't get these figures right, I could get the amount of supplies wrong, which includes our food since you know very well that all the fields were burned and we're running out of food, and if there are food shortages the people will get sick, and –" Kel stopped when she started to feel her lip quivering and her eyes burning with held back tears.

Neal leaned forward and snatched the parchments off the desk. "Kel, you're exhausted. You'll stress yourself worrying over this. You need to relax and go to bed. We'll manage. Why didn't you have some of your clerks go over this with you?"

"It's my responsibility," she whispered.

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Neal," Kel said stiffly, biting back her caustic remarks. She desperately wanted to pull out a weapon and show him she meant business, and perhaps hit him over the head with her shield a few times to teach him a lesson, but she held back. "Give that back to me now."

""Not until you get some food and rest, my dear Kel," he replied, ornery as ever.

"Oh for Mithros' sake, Neal!" Kel pushed her chair back forcefully and knocked over her mug as she stood over him. Her arms and legs shook from the lack of sugar in her system as she leaned forward on the desk. "I am not important! The work I do is important. I've got to finish this first."

Neal was quiet for a few moments, staring up at the Lady Knight in front of him. "Do you honestly think I harass you to eat and sleep because I get some sadistic joy out of it?" he wanted to know. The healer reached out and placed his hand over hers. "You're important to me, Kel. I wish you could see that enough to take care of yourself – for me."

Neal stood up and walked to the door.

"Oh, all right," Kel muttered, feeling a little sheepish over her unusual outburst. She moved around the desk and stood next to him, crossing her arms so he couldn't see her trembling. "What's for dinner?"


	21. Walk in

Kaddar found Varice hiding in the walk-in kitchen pantry of Fazia's home, trying to smother her sobs in her pink handkerchief.

"Varice, are you –" Kaddar, stopped, at a loss for words. Varice cried often, but not the heartsick weeping he was hearing now. The Tortallans had just left a few hours ago, and Kaddar, now Emperor of Carthak, had gone in search of a place to be by himself for a while.

"He said no."

"I'm sorry? Who said no?" Kaddar stood awkwardly by the door, uncertain if he should leave and seek isolation elsewhere and give her some privacy, or stay and comfort the crying female before him.

"I told him I loved him, and he said no." Varice blew her nose loudly, and Kaddar jumped at the indelicate sound.

"Numair?" Kaddar guessed quietly.

"I just don't understand it!" she cried out suddenly. Fresh tears leapt from her eyes and ran down her face. She looked down at her sopping wet handkerchief and her voice grew quiet and distant. "Why can't he love me? I don't understand…"

Kaddar had no idea what to say. After an awkward silence, he decided on, "I don't understand it either. That idiot… how could anyone _not _love you?"

"He told me my place was in Carthak, and his in Tortall. He told me that he enjoys my company, and that he thinks I am a very good friend, but he no longer sees me as his lover now or will ever again," she continued as if not hearing her Emperor's words. "And he meant it. Gods, Kaddar, his eyes when he said that…" She stared off into the distance as if picturing his eyes in her mind. "He can't have said those words… I feel so stupid."

"Don't feel stupid, it happens to everyone," Kaddar offered lamely. When she said nothing, he continued. "I'm very sorry that he hurt you. The next time I see him I might have to beat him up."

"No," Varice replied. "I still love him. Beating him up won't help me."

"I know," Kaddar muttered quietly. Left out of options, Kaddar walked slowly up to Varice and sat next to her on the floor. He pulled her to his chest and let her cry herself out until she fell asleep.

Neither Varice nor Kaddar mentioned that time spent in the kitchen pantry again.


	22. Human

**A/N: It's been a while, but I hope those who are still around enjoy! Read and review, please! Thanks!**

"I don't understand… I thought you were my best friend. My mate for life." Nawat's eyes blinked heavily in confusion, or perhaps it was to prevent the falling of tears.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Nawat. I –" Aly tried to think of words to express how sorry she was, but no words would come. _It's because he's a bird, he doesn't understand that people can make mistakes,_ Aly tried to tell herself. It's _perfectly common everywhere for humans to…_ but she could not finish that thought. "He doesn't mean anything to me, it was just one night, one mistake." One flirtation gone too far.

Nawat did not say anything more as he hurried out, not strutting like a bird but striding out of the room like a broken man.


	23. Matter

It didn't matter to Jonathan what Alanna's reasons were.

It didn't matter that she couldn't be a graceful queen or that she couldn't take the pressure. It didn't matter that the people wouldn't accept her and that there would be both violent and verbal protests over their marriage.

It didn't matter that they would fight, nasty hidden fights that would break their marriage from the inside out, cracking and shattering in the light and eyes of the court. Nor did it matter that she wouldn't and couldn't feel completely equal to him, that he would always be her king and leader before her lover and husband.

It didn't matter that she would grow to resent and hate the many children that she bore him.

It didn't matter that he would be constantly enticed with tempting beautiful women and that it would burn and tear her with silent jealousy and humiliation. And it didn't matter that he would eventually break her heart, not once, but several times.

No, the only thing that mattered to Jonathan of Conté was that his Lioness had rejected his proposal, and thus rejected him.


	24. Introductions

Five visions of beauty entered the room.

"Jesslaw," Wyldon said. Owen had forgotten to bow – too busy gawking – and he did so now, almost toppling over in his haste. Owen had only been his squire for two months and he could already tell his knight master's patience was ending quickly. "May I present my wife and my daughters. This is Vivienne, and my four daughters, Cathrea, Sunarine, Eiralys and –"

The youngest girl stepped forward quickly. "I'm Margarry," she said breathlessly.

Owen gulped, his eyes wide. "Jolly," he whispered.

Margarry blushed.

Wyldon rubbed his temples and Vivienne rushed to get him a cup of soothing tea.


End file.
